Nothing but Nothings

Sometime, I just want a doctor to say "we found the problem". I swear I would cry, not because I'm sad but because the search would finally be over. Every time I go to a new doctor, I have an ounce of new hope that they will be the one to say those glorious words, but every time I'm wrong. I get nothing but "we found nothing" from every single doctor. Now my hope is gone. What was left at least. I'm at the point where I truly believe that no one will find an answer, that no one will be able to help; I am on my own with this disease.

This Is Me

It hasn't always been this way. I used to live a normal life. One where I could eat what I wanted; candy, popcorn, hot wings, you know, the things kids eat. I could go out with friends and not be embarrassed that I spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom. I was happy. Then one year it all changed, the year of 2008. It wasn't a change that I noticed right away, it was a gradual change. First I started not wanting to eat the things I used to love, then I started getting tons of stomach aches, and things just kept piling on until I realized something just wasn't right. My family took me to doctor after doctor hoping that we could find some answers, but no one seemed to know what to do. It was so frustrating. The doctors that you feel should know everything, seem to know absolutely NOTHING. I mean, they went to college for this, they make a living doing this, but they have no idea whats wrong with me? How is that fair. In high school, I fell asleep in almost every class, sometimes because of my stomach aches, and sometimes because of the pain medicine preventing them. I missed school quite often, and ended getting a letter from the school stating that if I missed anymore, I would be sent to court. Even though through all of this, I kept straight A's. What more did they want? I was doing the best I could. Fast forwarding to my freshman year in college, I thought somebody finally had an answer. On October 29th, 2012 I had my gallbladder removed. I was so happy even through the pain of surgery. They finally fixed me. No more pain. No more frustration, right? Not right. After finally recovering, I was right back to my old self. At this point, I was so discouraged. Not even taking out a troublesome body part solved it. A short four months later, I had another surgery, it is called a sphincterotomy. In this procedure, they take a scope down your throat and into your stomach then to the muscle that is at the opening to the pancreas, and they cut it. I had less expectations seeing as that my last surgery solved nothing, and sure enough I was right not to expect much. A month after this surgery, still no cure. Here we are, October 29, 2013, and I'm at my lowest. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I cant eat without being in pain at a 10 pain level, I cant fall asleep at night and when I finally do, I just wake up five more times in the night. Stomach pain is something that no one can understand unless they feel it. I feel alone and lost. Nothing is helping me. Will they ever find a cure? This is where my blog comes in. I am going to document my medical condition, and the progress that I make. Maybe my situation is similar to someone else's, and I can help them. Maybe not. This is me, this is my disease.